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I'm Always a Part of You by Lady-Kyndle I'm Always a Part of You by Lady-Kyndle
Some of you have only recently started following me. Others have known me for quite a while. When I first began my journey here on DeviantART, I went by Chachi. It was a nickname given to me by a friend in middle school, and because I went to a small school, the name spread and stuck. At first, I hated it. It was a pun name, meant to mix my name and call me "short" at the same time. Over time, I grew to accept the name, and when I moved on to high school, it was the nickname I told my new friends to call me by. So when I started off here on DeviantART at the advice and encouragement of my high school friends, it only felt natural to use that name.

Over time, it grew to be something positive for me. Chachi became a name I was fond of and proud to call myself. For a while, I felt on top of the world; I was writing a semi-popular story, I'd made a ton of friends. I was happy. Then it all came crashing down. And that name became a bane of my existence again. People hated me, based off of the lies another had spread about me, based off of twisted versions of my own words. When I tried to defend myself, I was rebuffed. It was heartbreaking and awful. The stress of life and the fall of my once empire caused me to sink into a depression that lasted for months. It was a very low time for me. I cried a lot. I wasn't getting along with my mom, I couldn't focus on school, and I was struggling with a dead end job in a town that I hated. I tried to solve my problems in so many ways. I tried pills. I tried leaving. I erased Chachi from myself. I didn't want to BE that person anymore. It made me feel bad.

Then, like all things, time went on and I healed. I began to think: what made me happy? Slowly, I returned to those things. I went through all my old art and found old stories and became inspired again. I started writing. I started sketching. I began planning and thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to start over, start fresh. I went back to the person I WANTED to be, before Chachi. I picked the name Kindle for myself. It was the original pen name I used for my old stories. It was the ME before Chachi. I missed her. So I gave her life. 

When I restarted here, I told people to start calling me Kindle. It confused some people. After all, for years, I'd been "Chachi" to so many people. However, most respected my wishes and started calling me by my new name. It wasn't the same. But it wasn't BAD. It felt good to have a full grasp on my own person again, but it also always felt like I'd LOST a part of myself. As the months went on, I thought back on the rise and fall of my old name, "Chachi". I remembered all the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then, I realized something. Chachi... is ME. Kindle is me. BOTH of those names are mine, and BOTH have given me things that I need. Kindle is the name I gave myself, the person who was artistic, quiet, thoughtful, and secretly creative, but the identity that I abandoned in my  attempt to try and become a persona my friends made for me. Chachi is the person that I was, the young, naive, energetic and hopeful person who wanted to deliver great stories to the world. A little of Chachi still lives in Kindle... still lives in me. And there was always a little of Kindle in Chachi. I just never saw it until recently.

I am Chachi just as much as I am Kindle. They are two sides of the same coin. 

Though I no longer go by the name Chachi online, it's still a name I'm called by my friends. I think that's where that name belongs. Kindle is my professional name for my works here, but no one in my life calls me that. This is fine. These two pieces of me don't need to mix. I'm over the pain of Chachi's past, and I'm tentative about the future of Kindle. Chachi was my confidence, and Kindle doesn't have that yet. Perhaps Kindle can LEARN from Chachi. Maybe Chachi learned humility from Kindle. Life is always teaching us things, after all. I've certainly learned a lot these past few years. So if you call me Chachi, it means we're old friends. If you call me Kindle, it means we're new friends. We're all still friends. Call me what you see fit. I'll respond either way, because I am all these things. These things... were and always will be a part of me.
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MintBubbie Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm glad to see the name "chachi" doesn't bother you. I tried for a bit adjusting to "Kindle" to accommodate your change, but it didn't stick to me after a while if calling you Chachi. I learned about nuzlocke from Chachi, taught myself art based off her art and felt myself rise thanks to her, the time of the dub of CSSN was a peak for me because of all the friends we had made. But when Chachi left, I accepted it. I knew she had to get on with her life because she was so upset. When you came back as Kindle, I thought "oh its just a new name. Hey Chachi" but I saw that Kindle was a different person. Not in a bad way. You were still my friend and I was glad to see that as was everyone else, it was just a change. So I tried adjusting what I called you to make sure you stayed in the better place Kindle seemed to give you. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'm just glad to know that my still calling you Chachi doesn't bring back bad memories or pull you back down to where you used to be.
Lady-Kyndle Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I HAVE changed, indeed. Kindle and Chachi, though me and the same, are two very different sides of me. Kindle is far more mature, I believe, though I still retain elements of Chachi. It's been a journey. However, I don't mind either name, so feel free to use the one you're most comfortable with. ^^
KitsyArts Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2016  Student
As an old watcher from your old account of your past, I'm glad to see how much you grown from it, Kindle, and looking forward for many more of your project on here :)
Lady-Kyndle Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! ^^ I feel like I've grown a lot over the last couple of years, so it's good to be in a good place again.
acarter51 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
at least i get to see you again, remember the skype call?
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Submitted on
August 8, 2016
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